Tuesday, December 28, 2004


The enormity of the disaster with the tsunamis in the far east has finally hit me. I mean, I know the death toll has likely exceeded 40,000 in 8 countries, but now this?


I mean, sure, I already knew that this whole thing was, like a tradgedy or whatever, but up to this point I had thought that most of the people who died were unattractive and poor. But can someone tell me what kind of a world we live in when God can just reach out and strike down beautiful, rich people like supermodel Petra Nemcova and her photographer boyfriend? (not really sure of that dude's name b/c he's not really that famous) I mean, sure, it sucks that all of these other people died, but I mean, let's face it, they were probably going to die sooner or later after being attacked by a wild boar or getting the bird flu or something like that anyways. People who live in that part of the world seem to always be dropping like flies from civil war or malaria or something.
Petra, on the other hand, is in the prime of her life and deserves to be perched on a tsunami-proof yacht or something. I mean, this woman has brought joy to untold millions through her work with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit corporation.
Now I suggest that everyone whoever mastrubated or planned on mastrubating to a Petra Nemcova Sports Illustrated layout get out your wallet and send that woman a couple of dollars. I know it's your hard earned cash, but this is an emergency, and generosity is probably the only thing separating us from the monkeys, commies, and other lower life forms. Make sure you send the money care of Sports Illustrated so it doesn't get wasted on those ugly people. Sure, Petra's got money, but if she has to pay her own medical bills, she'll have less cash, and that really isn't fair.
This guest blog provided by Ryan Steans.


CrackBass said...

I enjoyed the content, but I find it most upsetting that we were not told of the "guest blog" status until the end of the post. This whole time, I was enjoying the thought of Jason masterbating, when instead, I should have been thing of Ryan masterbating, which I tend to reserve for weekend thought only.

I just dined with the Blooms. At lunch time, Sr. Bloom's claim that the death toll would rise past 100k seemed to be quite bloom-ian in nature, but now, as the toll has risen to 52k, it seems damn plausible. Thank God Jet Li and the super model were saved, and that the super model's husband was not.

On a wholly different note, Steanso, I believe that your toothpaste drawer buddy is, in fact, single, although perhaps recently divorced. Perchance you should contact her. Where is she currently blogging from?

J.S. said...

Leave me alone, CrackBass. And you leave Erin alone, too, you vile bastard.

CrackBass said...

I dont appreciate being called vile. Nor did i ever mention an Erin. I hate you and your ass face.

The League said...

Okay, firstly, I am vaguely horrified by this posting. Secondly, I want to point out that I didn't write it.
Thirdly, it's spelled "masturbation" and "masturbated."
Fourthly, I hereby hire Jeff Wilson to sue the pants off my brother for misrepresenting himself as me.
Fifthly, Jason never sent me a Christmas present but keeps claiming Amazon screwed it up. Rigghhhht.

CrackBass said...

sorry for the misspellings. it is not often that i actually type the word "masturbate" or its derivatives. Also, can you mediate a disagreement with me and your brother? He is denying me a "ride-along" for drinks.

erin boyd said...

Back on topic, boys! There's a tregedy afoot! Single women are losing sleep across America over NATE'S TESTIMONY.

However, I believe they're more concerned about this ambiguous "friend" that's still missing. After all, there's only one reason single interior designing men go to Asia... houseboys. I'm just glad CNN has it's breaking stories prioritized. Celebrity before Humanity!!!!

erin boyd said...

p.s. I'm not a recent divorcee on the prowl for safe meat.

CrackBass said...

what does "safe meat" mean? am i to infer that my nefarious neighbor is actually safe? when my wife has been warning me of his dangers these past 16 months?

or am i to infer that he is meat? which would cause me to wonder how best to cook him, as i am quite the carnivore. and sexual predator. lets not forget that.

boy do i love the blog, and also hate working.

The League said...


run away. Forget you ever found JRSteans ever again. Just run and do not look back. What you'll find here isn't pretty.

Anonymous said...

Nate Dawg definitely puts the G in gay. Wait until those red state folks get a hold of this tidbit. With this irrefutable evidence, 20 bucks says Jerry Falwell blames the tsunami on homosexuals. "Let this be a lesson to all our friends in the blue states: you can't just go running around being all gay in Asia and hope to avoid God's judgment...Praise the Lord and Halleluja!"


J.S. said...

It's so good to see all of my friends playing together nicely. Dear lord.

Doktor K.Palka said...

Greetings and salutations, lil' shavers...

Having heard the widespread rumors that one "Erin Stewart" had resurfaced from her international crime spree, I was forced to investigate.

On the tsunami:
If even 100 Gringos had been killed, this story would be saturating every channel on every network.
Last night, all 8 Law and Orders (including Law and Order:Punk'd starring Ashton Kutcher and Tiffani Amber Thiessen) were up and running.
Pesky Asian tragedies.
Just wait until the CHOLERA hits and a million starving Asians develop fatal diarrhea.

On the up-note, tickets to Phuket are quite cheap, and I've always wanted to visit.
See ya in hell,Steans.

Erin "Fran" Stewart- I'll be emailing you.
We can shoot the shit about Texas History.

Fear and Trembling-
The Pope

Sigmund Bloom said...

anyone want to go in on an investment in indian ocean beachfront property? i hear they're having an "everyone must die" sale.